did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
