He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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