what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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