people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
