i think my tv is drunk
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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