So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
