You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
