look no pants
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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