is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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