You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
