I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
