Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
