I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
