i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
