this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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