At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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