At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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