This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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