I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
