My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Did I show you my penis last night?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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