Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize