I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i drank out of a bidet.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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