that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
