so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
