Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
