And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
