Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
