Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
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