dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
