thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
