We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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