You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I have fence marks all over my body
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
