grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
