Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
