There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
