At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
