there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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