why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
