There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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