dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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