we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
