I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
