i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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