If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
