Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
