dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My feet surprised me
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