Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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