Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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