I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
