Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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