I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
