oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
