Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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