I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
