my mouth tastes like poor choices
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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