is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we made out on top of his cat.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
