You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
