this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
