Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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