Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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