He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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