I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
They have beer where we have blood.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
