No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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