Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
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