Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize