I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
