The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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