Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
