So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
